Tuesday, March 3, 2009

A resounding "oh no" passed through the lobes upon reading the news that Madonna wants to take on the role of Wallis Simpson, marryer of Edward VIII and despoiler of his chance to warm the British throne.

Granted, there are aspects of absolute symmetry between the two. Examples:

1) Egos that can sight a target and summit it -- be it a pop chart or a royal tree.

2) An appeal to men that is, at its essence, sexually cruel.

3) Material girls to the core.

And yet. Wallis Simpson knew she could bewitch balky conquests and scandalized observers alike with her immaculate dress sense. "I'm nothing to look at," she famously said, "so the only thing I can do is dress better than anyone else."

And here's where the problem rests. With all respect for Madonna's accomplishments (seriously) I have never once seen her looking anywhere near chic, red carpet emphatically included. And as much as I'd love to see Simpson's wardrobe brought back to life on the screen, I just don't think Madonna is the lady to do it.

Now if she wanted to take on Peggy Guggenheim, another maneater who wore expensive clothes in a similarly couldn't-give-a-shit way, then we'd be talking.

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